I was a hypnotist

My son said, "can you tell me some stories from your childhood?"

I thought long and hard. "Sorry, I don't remember very much."

"Any story will do, just anything."

I thought some more, "sorry, what I remember are not very nice stories."

He went quiet for a while. "You can just make some stories up, yeah? About your childhood?"

This is not an easy task for me. But I tried, anyway. So here is one I made up:

When I was around your age, I shared a room with my younger brother. As you know, he is two years younger than me so it is not surprising that I found him, at the time, to be the most abnoxious little turd there can be (not unlike how you feel about your brother, you see?). I was already an avid reader by then and I loved to read out loud to myself. My brother was still very much a large baby and each time I started reading a book, he would come over and try to do something naughty, like snatch my book or make silly noises to annoy me.

Whenver this happened, I used to get really angry and would throw my book at him, or put my hands around his neck, or try to ignore him, if I happened to be in an exceptionally good mood (which is not very often). Whenever my mum heard us fighting, she would came into the room, quiet as a mouse, put her hands on her hips, and gave us this piercing look which seemed to burn holes through our shirts.

One day I came across a book in the school library about hypnotism. I couldn't understand all the words, but the pictures were big and clear enough for me to work out what one had to do, to hypnotise someone else (I have seen it on television also). I borrowed the book and read it on the school bus. The hypnotist in the pictures was a grown man, wore a dark suit and a moustache. He had a quizzical look (which I worked out was made possible by his ability to raise one eyebrow independently of the other), and there was not one picture of him smiling. He used a gold chain to perform his hypnotism on a woman. She had curly red hair and wore a blue blouse. In the book, he made her do all kinds of crazy things like pretend to be a mouse and hop on one leg with both hands high above her head.

When I got home, I read over the book again, then careflly tucked it under my mattress, as far back as my hands could reach. Then I looked in my mother's drawer and took out one of her many necklaces. She had some gold ones, but I couldn't find them. I took one that is silver with lots of little black beads on them. I made a mental note of where it came from and remembered that I must put it back in exactly the same place when I'm done. Then I took a black marker, and drew a moustach on my upper lip. I made the ends curl up, just like the man in the book. I practised raising one eyebrow in front of the mirror after that. To my surprise, this came quite naturally to me. I was pleased with my preparation so far and looking at myself in the mirror, with my moustache and my one raised eyebrow, I felt a mild surge of excitment going through my body. My father had a dark suit similar to the one worn by the hypnotist in the book, but I had no idea where he put them. So I went to my own closet and took out a dark grey duffle coat, and put that on.

My younger brother was having his snack in the kitchen, as usual, and I was all set up when he came into the room for his nap. I had my back to him, pretending to be reading a book aloud. Predictably, he came over and started making his usual annoying noise. I turned around, stared at him with my one raised eyebrow, and held out the necklace in front of his face.

"Look at this. Look. Follow the swing of the necklace in my hand."

He was caught by the unfamiliarity of this and stood speechless for a few seconds.

"Follow the swing with your eyes. You are getting sleepy."

The little turd proved to be harder work. "NO I'M NOT!! ME NOT SLEEPY!" came his screechy little voice. He tried to snatch the necklace from me, but I had seen that coming and moved my hand away faster than he could put his chubby little fingers around it. I noticed that his eyes, however, remained glued to the necklace. Another surge of adrenalin went through my body. With utter determination, I then said:

"You ARE getting sleepy. You ARE going to fall asleepy."

He started frowning, his hand still in mid-air, his eyes following the swing of the necklace.

I felt powerful, all of a sudden. This was not a familiar feeling for me, and it scared me a little.

"You are going to close your eyes. I am going to count to three, and you will be asleep when I am finished. When I count to three again, I will clap my hands and you will wake up."

It was amazing! I remembered I thanked God at that moment. He stood motionless, and his eyes began to close.

"One, two, three."

His arm flopped down to his side.

"Sit down now, on your bed."

He did.

"Lie down, and sleep."

He did.

"Stay there."

He did not move.

I was overjoyed! I was so excited I didn't realise I was soaking with sweat (the duffle coat was thick and it was the middle of June). I wanted to jump up and down and tell everyone. But I was also afraid my mum would kick my ass if she found out. Somehow I realised this was not all totally legit. So I took my coat off, lied down in my own bed, my heart pounding, and replayed what just happened in my head. I was proud of myself. I might have even grinned. After I had cooled down a bit, I got up and retrieved the book from under my mattress. I read through it again, pleased with myself that I had followed the instructions so well. I felt a tremendous sense of freedom, because I no longer had to live under the terror of my little brother! I would now be able to read in peace! I am a hypnotist!

I went over to look at him, now lying motionless on his bed. I put a finger under his nostrils, to check that he was still breathing. I studied his face for a little while. He looked so peaceful. Almost likeable. Almost cute. And out of nowhere I suddenly started missing him. I poked him gently with my hand, but he didn't wake. The room seemed awfully quiet. I looked around, and suddenly a fear grabbed hold of me. I felt that I had maybe done a very bad thing. I looked up to the ceiling hoping that God would tell me whether it really was a very bad thing, when in fact I already knew. So I put my coat back on, looked in the mirror to make sure my moustache was still in place, and checked my book again.

"One, two, three. Wake up now!" I clapped my hands.

He opened his eyes, sat up, and looked at me as if nothing had happened.

"NO! ME NOT SLEEPY!"